rickps: (Cafe Rick - 11/08)
rickps ([personal profile] rickps) wrote2013-10-04 10:23 am


After my last relationship crashed and burned some seven years ago, I, like many people, convinced myself that I wasn’t wired to be partnered.  Being more than a little introspective, I attempted to objectively analyze what went right and what went wrong in my relationship.  It goes without saying that a convincing argument could be mounted (punsters insert comments here) suggesting that one can never be truly objective about oneself.  That premise notwithstanding, I launched my emotional ocean liner into the rough seas of personal appraisal.

Unlike Titanic, I failed to strike any psychological icebergs.  And unlike the Costa Concordia, I didn’t tip over and sink from venturing too close to an emotional coastline.  But I did draw some interesting conclusions…  As strong willed and independent as I am, I don’t want to be in control of every moment of a relationship.  Something about me appears to attract (and be attracted to) passive personalities, the “go alongers” as they were described in a movie (name the movie and get 5 points!).  My previous partners, both very nice men, were of that ilk.

Me:  Where do you want to eat dinner tonight?  It’s our special night out together, remember?
Them:  I don’t know
Me:  Do you want to go out?
Them:  I don’t know
Me:  How about going out for dinner tonight?  Italian?  Chinese?  Latvian?  There’s this wonderful little Venusian place on the Moon all the Martians are talking about…
Them:  I don’t know
Me:  ARGH!
Them:  OK, you decide
Me:  OK, Italian
Them:  I don’t like Italian
Me:  (Rummaging through a drawer)…How do you feel about a kitchen knife in the heart?

I’m sure we’ve all had these conversations.  I just seemed to have them much more often.  It got old… quickly.

As I sit here in my little self-erected confessional (punsters, this is your wakeup call), I’ll admit too that I’m a driven soul.  If I decide to do something, I do it.  If I crash and burn, you can see it from space.  I realized that I need someone like me, someone who can push back, someone who can stand his ground, someone who also has his eye on the prize.  Surprisingly, that’s a difficult order to fill but I’m not sure quite why.

So, OK, seven years have passed.  Dated a bit, learned a bit more.  Hasn’t been all that bad a time, really.  I’ll never be one of those guys who needs to be partnered by 5:15PM or face personal ruin.  Still, it’s kinda sad that my longest relationship is with Miss Thing, my twelve year old cat (no, that’s not really her name but whatever, it fits her personality).

So about seven months ago as I was trolling one of the chat sites, a youngish gentleman sent a greeting.  Decent looking chap, didn’t instantly want to (a) see pictures of selected anatomical features; (b) engage in sexual banter which evidently would excite him much more than me; or (c) meet for some nefarious purpose involving a lack of clothing.  In fact, the guy was rather charming and old fashioned for a man in his mid 30s.  Kind of young for me but maturity and rings on the tree aren’t always related.  His primary language was Spanish and although his English was decent, conversation involved a number of repetitions for understanding.  Turned out that he was a rather accomplished fitness instructor and in annoyingly good physical condition.  Gotta hate men like that.  When the revolution comes…  And then the shoe dropped, he lives in Honduras.  OK, nice chatting with you, would be great if we could meet some day but that’s never going to happen.  You’re sweet, darn cute, have a bangin’ body but that’s like thousands of miles!  Next!

Well, not so fast there.  He’s been previously partnered and knows what he’s looking for.  The man has traveled more than you’d imagine.  Already had firm plans in the works to escape from his highly gay-unfriendly environs for the US of A to commence a new life.  Fully recognizes that staying in the US full time isn’t a finger snap proposition.  Isn’t looking for handouts or a marriage of convenience.  Independent as heck and intends to stay that way.  The guy had substance and depth and that rarest of commodities, common sense.  I was intrigued, and then some.  So, it seemed, was he.

His planned trip to the east coast was altered to be a west coast destination.  And so we met.  And met.  And met.  To say it went well would be an understatement.  Yep, we’re different people.  I’m 5’11” and shall we say, zaftig.  David is 5’5”, 180 pounds of fitness (sigh, gotta introduce him to pizza).  I’m Mr. Spock to his Butterfly McQueen.  His music makes me want to jump off a tall building.  My music will likely make him want to push me off that same building.  But we love to talk to one another on just about any subject.  Well, we talk when we’re not doing other things.  A lot.  I feel a positive dynamic that I’ve never felt in the past.  That’s a good thing.

And so my friends, light a candle, chant a prayer, sacrifice a farm animal if it is your practice to do so.  Rick is taking the plunge for a third time.  Fingers crossed that it is the last and best time of all.

[identity profile] excessor.livejournal.com 2013-10-04 05:29 pm (UTC)(link)
Congratulations and best of luck! Where is the lucky gentleman living?

[identity profile] ricksf.livejournal.com 2013-10-04 10:33 pm (UTC)(link)
Thanks Paul! Well, as of Tuesday 9:10PM of next week and assuming 'Amurrican Airlines is vaguely on time, he'll be bouncing off a plane in Bland Diego and into my evil clutches.

Pity him for he knows not the horrors in store...

[identity profile] mrdreamjeans.livejournal.com 2013-10-04 08:15 pm (UTC)(link)
I wish for you a gloriously happy relationship! In many ways, I am very much like you. I have lived alone so much of my life, it is a relief when I don't have to carry every burden. And, like you, I often defer to my friends in terms of choices.

Me: "Where would you like to have dinner?"
Friend: Oh, I don't know. Where do you want to go?"
Me: "I really don't have a preference. You choose."
Friend: "I don't know."
Me: "Well, how about Mexican?"
Friend: "Sounds good."

After the meal,
Me: "How did you like it?"
Friend: "Meh. I really didn't want Mexican food."
Me: "Arrgh!" :)

I admire that you haven't given up on having another relationship. I have. I am open, but it would take some special person just popping into my life, as I don't look online and I don't go to clubs any longer. I'm glad that you are so happy!!

[identity profile] ricksf.livejournal.com 2013-10-04 10:35 pm (UTC)(link)
Neil thanks!

The old saying about finding someone when you're not looking is certainly true in this case. It's a magic that I don't comprehend now nor do I expect I ever shall. And you know, single ain't all that bad either!

[identity profile] mrdreamjeans.livejournal.com 2013-10-04 11:37 pm (UTC)(link)
It's not bad at all. Check out the blog I just posted:) It may be a good argument for singledom:)

[identity profile] dr-scott.livejournal.com 2013-10-04 10:17 pm (UTC)(link)
Hah! Some of your writing there reminded me my saintly/devilish husband. I've crossed several appendages for your continued good fortune...

[identity profile] ricksf.livejournal.com 2013-10-04 10:41 pm (UTC)(link)
How DARE you insult your husband's writing by comparing it to my own?! Why Paul is the Ethel Hemingway of LJ I tells ya!

As to crossing several appendages, can I watch? Would this reported appendage crossing be all at once or in groups of two or more? Will there be a film record for posterity (no, I didn't say posterior, you perv!)? Could be quite entertaining depending on the appendages...

Buena Suerte

[identity profile] hardybear.livejournal.com 2013-10-05 07:29 am (UTC)(link)
Well, you really can't know how a relationship will turn out until you've been in it for several years. But you seem to have checked this guy out and thought it through quite carefully. The rest is luck. I wish you both the best!

[identity profile] abqdan.livejournal.com 2013-10-07 03:53 am (UTC)(link)
I feel blessed to have seen the pictures! He is certainly handsome, and from your description quite charming. As they say in all good Jewish circles - "What's not to like?" Good luck on this new voyage of discovery! Hope we'll get to meet him at Thanksgiving.

[identity profile] ricksf.livejournal.com 2013-10-07 03:14 pm (UTC)(link)
Thanks to you and Bill for your heartfelt well wishes. I think David's a cutie but then I'm biased. It would be a treat to get together over Thanksgiving, have you meet the little fella and see the Fortress of Solitude.

[identity profile] billeyler.livejournal.com 2013-10-07 04:01 am (UTC)(link)
Sending warm wishes on this new adventure.